10 things I’ve learned about dating in Lebanon

yeah, have you?

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Disclaimer:  Ok guys, listen. Before you go all, ‘you don’t know what you’re talking about on me’ you should know that I compiled this list with the help of about 10 different LEBANESE people, sprinkling in a few of my own experiences here and there.  I’m well aware that this list isn’t going to include everyone, but I’m going for the most typical thoughts, behaviors, and views here.  Tell me what you think.  Is it accurate, totally inaccurate, or somewhere in between?  What would you add/take away?

1.  Factors to take into consideration when determining compatibility are usually in this order: Religion, Social Status, Educational Status, Political Party, Attraction, Sense of Humor, Values, and that thing called LOVE.

2.  Many relationships develop in cars and parking lots (a favorite being the Dbayeh Marina), as most young people live at home with their parents until they are married (and sometimes even after they’re married!).

Am I the only one who has seen this banner one hundred million times?

3.  Usually when out at a pub or a nightclub, neither men nor women will approach someone they don’t know, even if they find that person very attractive..but will wait to add them as a friend on Facebook (to check out who they are, what their status is, what school they went to, and who they associate with), or have one of their mutual friends introduce them.  This could mean that two people will stare at each other the whole night, but neither one will make the move unless facilitated by a third party.

4.  That being said, once contact has been made..most “dating/getting to know each other” takes place over Facebook, MSN, Gmail chat/BBM since casual dating is difficult because everywhere you go in Lebanon, you are bound to run into someone you know..which makes you define the relationship too soon into it.  Therefore, it often appears that relationships progress quite quickly since most of the “dating/getting to know each other before it’s official” takes place online..or in cars..or in parking lots.  So, as soon as two people go out ALONE in public, it usually means that things are “official.”

5.  If you and your partner have enough disposable income, you will rent an apartment so that you can spend intimate time with each other (even if you’re still living/sleeping at your parents house).  This is especially true for people who are of different religions.

6.  Most plastic surgeries take place in the months right before Summer and Christmas, since that’s when all of the bachelors who are working/studying abroad come home to spend time with their families and look for a potential wife.

7.  Lebanese men want Lebanese women to be more open when it comes to casual sex, however, when it comes time to marry, many Lebanese men (even the most open-minded!) will judge Lebanese women (and maybe even consider it a deal breaker) if they have had sex before marriage.  Because of this, a (more liberal) Lebanese woman is much more likely to have casual sex with someone she would NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS consider marrying (foreigners get a lot of action because of this).., and lie to her “potential future” husband about it..and simply get hymen reconstructive surgery before her wedding day.  While other (more conservative) Lebanese women take their virginity so seriously that they don’t even wear tampons.

8.  If you are an Eastern European woman living in Lebanon (and not working in a supernight club) you will automatically be labeled a prostitute no matter how many degrees you have, languages you speak, or high powered positions you’ve held.

9.  For most Lebanese men, looks still comes ahead of intelligence, character, and moral values.  And for most Lebanese women, money comes ahead of looks, intelligence, character, and moral values.

10.  Many Lebanese women are known to look, dress, and act provocatively, yet when it comes down to it, will hardly ever follow through with “it.”  Especially with a man she is considering marrying.  She wouldn’t want him to think she was “easy.”

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245 Comments

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245 responses to “10 things I’ve learned about dating in Lebanon

  1. I love it! It is somewhat true (sadly) although a couple of points have been exaggerated especially numbers 3 and 4, but then again I could be wrong, what do I know? I haven’t been around typical Lebanese people for quite some time now.

    As to point 9, ALL MEN : P

    • kayed

      Thnx, all is true.. Like you were dating my ex sleezy lebanese guy…
      I just want to add on your list such a usual thing mathers of lebanese guys are doing….After her son make some girl trust him and after he promissed to her a lot, he will start to test her love by pushing her to be pregnant with him before marrige, cz ofcourse they will marry soon… then its happening and he is changing fast… now mather is on scene..she is talking to the girl, she is very kind and full of love , till she make her believe its so early for baby and then she will take her to hospital to do abortion, on HER name..
      Majida Sabbagh did it for her son Hassan Sabbagh many tims in last 12 years, and i dont think she is the only killer mom in Lebanon..
      mabrouk Majida Jaber Sabbagh, hope you and your devil son will get what you deserve!!!!

  2. Uxsoup

    Sad but true. Just one question concerning #9, how many times a guy asked you for an IQ test or a girl “ran a background check” on his personality/iq check :P
    The first thing you notice about a person is how they look, it’s a unavoidable fact, show me just ONE person who walked up to someone and said “hey, I heard you have a GPA of 3.9 and your personality just shines through even without getting to know you or whatnot” you catch my drift :P

    • I’m not disputing that fact, it’s obvious. But usually, there has to be something that keeps you there after the initial “omg she’s/he’s hot.” Is there not? And that’s where intelligence, character, and moral values comes in. But I’m finding that in Lebanon..and I might be overstepping a few boundaries here by saying this..but women who are attractive, highly intelligent, full of personality and character, have a harder time finding a “match” than women who have nothing go for them but their looks. I know sooo many truly amazing women who are single in the city..

      • Uxsoup

        unfortunately Dee, it all comes down to men’s insecuritieSSSS…”more intelligent? hot? independent? makes more money than me?”

        It’s all about that, they feel threatened!

      • Sean

        ok… please point them out! hahaha :D

      • Simon

        Totally agree with this comment.
        Guys in lebanon are very insecure when it comes to dating a girl who’s “highly intelligent, full of personality and character”

        great post :)

      • michael-abla

        Despite what you guys say about Lebanon it is still the best place in the world with the nicest girls and guys theres good in bad every where but trust me lebanon has more good then anywhere and my love for lebanon will never go
        l’m moving from sydney australia to beirut because lebanon holds the best kind of people in it
        and the food
        lol and because money goes a long way in lebanon hahahaha
        no but really the lebanese people really dont know how good you guys have it
        so cant wait moving there in june/2013 yayayayayaya

      • Nadia

        Great Blog – I am lebanese and living in Germany. I am planing to move to Lebanon this summer – so your Blogs are very helpful.
        Since I have no social network in Lebanon. There are so many questions that need to be answered.
        I found a newly furnished apartment near Damour with a nice view to the sea – and still trying to get internet do you have helpful tips how i can get internet there? There are still 2 Aprtments free for rent in the same building.
        thanks for your reply

      • jim

        tell them I am single ; ] I would happily court a lady with a brain because you know your children will not pop out stupid. I do find it a turn off if the woman behaves like a man or wants to do man’s work all the time. I am against for example women fire fighters even though they get hired here in the US more than men. Its harder in traditional male jobs to get a job as a man here. Sucks a lot to be honest. I do not know if they do this in the middle east or Europe but its very annoying here in America. I can see women cops but women firefighters?

        Anyway Middle Eastern women are very pretty. Met a Turkish girl at my school recently and will say she sparks my interest more than my own women. The whole religion thing would hold me back from her though and I would feel bad asking her to transform into a catholic because in a way I am asking her to betray her culture for mine if that makes any sense.

  3. Sean

    what about cheating? both man and woman? there’s a LOT of cheating going on.

    I love the “foreigners get a lot of action because of this” ! hahahahahahahaa Good one D! hahahahah

    love it! great post!

    • That’s a whooooole nother issue.. Seems like you know a lot about it. Care to write a guest post? lol

      • jim

        I have never met a Middle Eastern girl willing o mess around with someone outside of their group. Well no I forget an Israeli girl who I dated for a year and that went sour. Mostly because her family would not tolerate me or the fact I was not Jewish so everything had to be a secret which was cool but I am not that kind of a guy after awhile I get sick of it. It was fun in the beginning but got old because all my friends knew her and word got back to my parents particularly my mother who was like you cant date them [religious Jews]. They do not allow that your going to get her in trouble etc…. So to spare myself the drama I ended that. Would be great if any were lets say liberal religiously and went for a man based on his good qualities. The world doesn’t world that way hahahah.

  4. Joe

    mmm i think this is somewhere in between.

    However I am not sure about point 3) , 4) and 8 )

    As to point 9) well it really depends on men in general not Lebanese men in specific :)

    • Regarding 8..that was specifically told to me by a few Eastern European women I know who are either working here or getting their graduate degrees!

      • OH

        It’s not just the people that label you a prostitute, its the government (non-government?) too. Check out the visa requirements for Eastern European women. Up until the last time I checked 2 years ago, the assumption is that if you are female and under 45 from Eastern Europe, you are a “model” and need to apply for a working visa. They did not offer the possibility of the Tourist visa. I’m not sure if the rules are still the same. Some EU members (Czech Republic and others) were creating problems for Lebanon at the EU level over this one.

  5. I think it sums things pretty well for people who are 100 % Lebanese.
    I only have a comment for facebook dating, usually people talk on Facebook for around a week and then meet.

    • That’s what I was going for..the typical, 100% Lebanese mentality.. Not the ones who have been living abroad for half of their lives (or adult lives)..that changes things completely!

  6. I compiled this list with the help of about ten different people. These aren’t only my experiences/observations. ;) And as I said in the disclaimer, I realize that it is not reflective of the whole country’s situation! It would take me an entire lifetime to write about the individual habits of all of the different subcultures/subsocieties in Lebanese society.

  7. Thanks for the feedback :D

  8. bob

    spot on for every point
    everyone who disagrees: stop living in denial
    ya3ni fee2o min il wahim

  9. Joe

    just to prove my point.

    point 3) I have tried hitting on dozens of girls before without the use of a middle man nor facebook ( as matter of fact, there was no facebook yet when i started dating)
    point 4) as i already said before, there was no facebook before and not all the girls had emails
    point 8) really depends on the guy and how he thinks, for me this is just ridiculous

  10. Lola Rakhimi

    Agree 100% with everything :)
    I used to live in different countries and societies, and what I’ve seen here really surprised me!
    Very well mentioned about the order of compatibility factors, online dating, car/ parking lot dating, exaggeration over virginity and many other things.

  11. rikkles

    The reason you’re all arguing the 10 points (beyond the obvious “sex sells” part) is that there is more than 1 archetype of the Lebanese woman (and man)!
    Essentially it all comes down to Lebanon being the doorway to many things: East and West, conservative and progressive, and all religions.

    To me, there are at least 3 archetypes:
    1- The real progressive whose only difference with other “western” woman is point #3 that she adheres to
    2- The pseudo progressive who thinks she’s progressive but isn’t
    3- The conservative (generally religious conservative)

    The one woman who is described rather well :) in the above points is archetype #2.
    #3 doesn’t go out much and focuses on Marriage exclusively.
    #1, as I said, just adheres to point #3.

    Anyway, before I get any flack, let me reiterate that Lebanese Men are EXACTLY the same as I described about women. Whoever disagrees needs to look deeper in the mirror.

  12. Everytime you write posts like these, people always start complaining that “you’re just stereotyping” and “x y z dont really apply”

    I think the reason for this is, your audience doesn’t fall within the normal distribution curve of society. You are typically describing a general norm, or shall we say, a group large enough to have homogenous characteristics such that certain business decisions can be made on them

    A cursory glance at the messaging prevalent in media and ads, the content of magazines and TV, and the business built to cater to this lifestyle shows you that your methodology is correct.

    The whole point is that lebanon unfortunately is becoming more and more concentrated to enhance stereotypical personas, its a small country, geographically and in terms of number of people. The real pot pourri of mentalities and different characters are all in the diaspora.

    So people read these posts and feel that this doesn’t describe them, and complain. Indeed, these posts are not meant to describe them. Your blog is one of the most popular in lebanon / middle east and i would suggest that your readers are typically individual, intelligent, liberal, apolitical (to a certain extent!) well read, hard working and open to discourse. Again, characteristics which do NOT describe the vast majority of people living in the country

    With the widespread use of social networks, bbm and other digital technologies, this has just enhanced behaviours that were there before but now there is a reduction in the transactions costs required to execute.

    If that wasn’t the case, why is facebook the number one visited website in the country, versus google in almost every other country in the world?!

    But seriously, you hear the previous generation always talking about “what religion, what family name and what sect and what area of lebanon does your new boyfriend / girlfriend come from” and this just translates now to: people not having to ask but the latent information being served up by the information everyone is putting online

    Even when i am not in the country, the first thing any lebanese asks when they meet me is the same questions above. Which i actually find offensive and small minded. The viewers of this blog would never ask me those questions, all the commentators above would never dream of behaving like this. But those stereotypes do exist. And just beacuse we may not necessarily move in those circles, it doesnt’ mean they aren’t there

    Nice post D

    • I always enjoy it when I read intelligent comments.. Thanks Alex..

    • You get me. You always did, and you always do. Thanks for this Alex. You add so much value to my posts and take the time to throw in well thought out analysis as well. I couldn’t ask for a better comment! Your amazing!! Now, bring on sirr.me!!

    • Youssef Chaker

      totally agree with this comment, and was going to write one similar if you hadn’t done so already.

      One thing I would add, it’s typical for people to get defensive when they look at a list that’s supposed to describe them and find it leaning towards the negative side. No one wants to associate with that list above. But if it had some positive parts to it (not blaming the author(s), maybe the society needs to do a better job of showing a better image of itself), the reaction of the readers would have been different.

      When you describe, through generalization, a community and that description is not favorable, people will take it personally and take offense, even if it doesn’t apply to them (and wasn’t supposed to) but is generally true and applies to others.

      • Youssef..tell me something positive about dating in Lebanon.. I’m interested to hear what you have to say :D Contrary to what many might think, the points mentioned were not meant to be positive, or negative..they were just meant to be statements.

      • Youssef Chaker

        i would like to hear some positives too! And i reiterate, im not holding you responsible for whether the comments are positive or negative.

        So hey, maybe JessicaS can provide us with an alternative view. (and im not making fun of Jessica, I really would like to see her perspective about the subject)

  13. Fouad Berjaoui

    Seems to me it was written for a specific age-group : -35. However once you are 35+ a lot of the points change some even become irrelevant. Honestly all 9 points are invalid and irrelevant at 35+ the only point that still holds out is point number 10. I can help you compile a 35+ list :)

    • Please do, I would love that! Really interested to know the differences. Again,, most of the people I associate with are -35..so yes, in desperate need of the 35/35+ point of view!

  14. Jessica S

    “But I’m finding that in Lebanon..and I might be overstepping a few boundaries here by saying this..women who are attractive, highly intelligent, full of personality and character, have a harder time finding a “match” than women who have nothing go for them but their looks. I know sooo many truly amazing women who are single in the city..”

    You are overstepping your boundaries and even if you included a disclaimer at the top it doesn’t mean that you didn’t write this insulting stereotypical crap about Lebanese women. Who are you to make judgments on us and make these disgusting generalizations about Lebanese women? Every Lebanese women should be offended. I don’t know who you are or who you hang out with that gave you this impression, but you really need to do some more serious research before writing harmful content. I see your blog is popular! You and Angie Nassar girl from Now Lebanon NEED TO STOP.

    • I’m sorry if I offended you Jessica. If you knew me and were a regular reader of my blog you would know that I mean no harm! And I’m quite sure Angie doesn’t either! We are simply point out things as we see them. Everyone is entitled to their thoughts/opinions.

      Thanks for your comment! :D

      • Gass

        No one needs to apologize! You’re entitled to post your view and who disagrees post hers respectfully! I can’t read any positive or negative points, as you said, only collected statements from firsthand experience, which I agree to most of it!

        Hence your points applies to the mainstream, with some exceptions of wannabes living in there bubbles. Nothing wrong living the way they want, either ways, so why get offended? Are we supposed to be 100 % westernized? Look bimbo with a small nose or die? Some should stop perpetuating our MAIN negative stereotype, being unable to communicate without hostility and disagreeing brutally!

        I haven’t seen that much nudity on billboards in any country, except in strip clubs! I haven’t encountered that much self masturbating, image centered, superficial individuals in anytime in my life. So what does it change if Danielle prospects and narrates her perspective of the dating scene with her fresh American point of view? Less filthy Arabs will come to Beirut hunting for sexy chicks? Why being so obsessed with how the world should see us?

      • Sorry jess but you have no idea. Ten points girl express yourself!.. But don’t get your emotions twisted truth hurts Im a young lebanese woman myself and I can so relate to some of her experiences… She is merely pointing out what she witnessed, you shouldn’t feel offended. If anything take it as constructive feedback.. You can’t change the world but you sure can change yourself ;)

        SIMPLE: They’re two sorts of Lebanese Male and Female..

        ONE: (the majority) The men being hung up on tradition and live the life of a westerner but yet has the mentality of a 99 year old with some similar characteristics of my second point, and also uses the term prostitute very loosely.

        TWO: Family orientated, religious, humorous, proud, respectful, romantic, fearless, dangerous, over protective, intelligence, polished and stylish

        ONE: (the majority) The females are image obsessed and will go to extreme measures to look absolutely immaculate (although they’re naturally beautiful). Intelligence (when they want to be), attitude, sex appeal, family orientated, money hungry, stylish and blessed with banging curves.

        TWO: family orientated, religious, sex appeal, traditional, old fashioned mentality, virgins, intelligence, kind, loving, nuturing (lebanese women are built to be the best housewives and the best mothers/wives!)

        Lebanese are all about reputation, social status, and gossip your business is everybody’s business. Dating is looked down upon also sleeping/living with the opposite sex unless they’re bound by marriage (this only applies to females). So if you’re seeing somebody its always in secret (LOL at the car point it is soooooo true!!!)

        Agree or not but Lebanese males want a good girl to be bad just for him, and every Lebanese girl wants a bad boy to be good just for her.

    • @JessicaS Isn’t it time for your botox appointment?

    • Youssef Chaker

      Jessica,
      I appreciate your comment. There were a few times where I felt exactly how you feel. Whether about posts on this blog or other blogs or tweets, etc.

      Also, many times I have felt “this is NOT the Lebanon that I know”.

      What I’ve done in most cases is reread the post. and usually that helped me notice a sentence or a word that i overlooked. maybe even try to imagine the tone of the author. and what that has done for me is help me realize we, as readers, sometimes attribute a tone or intentions to the author that weren’t actually his/hers.

      But also, I have had to struggle to come to grips with the fact that there are sooo many aspects to Lebanon and so many subcultures that one of them is bound to be the complete opposite of our own experiences. And it will be definitely hard to accept that. Specially if we feel that it’s the only representative of Lebanon (because it’s what is said on blogs or whatever) and we would hope that our experiences were the ones reflected instead because they are much better and give the country and its people a better image. Unfortunately it’s not up to us to dictate what others experience, but also we, ourselves, have to accept other people’s truths and facts the way they are.

      I for one would really like to hear your side of things. Not an outburst, but a real constructive other side of the conversation. I hope you actually have one and would share it!

      • AlainLb

        @Gass

        “”””I haven’t seen that much nudity on billboards in any country, except in strip clubs! I haven’t encountered that much self masturbating, image centered, superficial individuals in anytime in my life. So what does it change if Danielle prospects and narrates her perspective of the dating scene with her fresh American point of view? Less filthy Arabs will come to Beirut hunting for sexy chicks? Why being so obsessed with how the world should see us?”””””

        Calm down, said the hurricane/Gass to the storm/Jess :)

        Somebody’s had her heart brOken…
        and/or is in a period of anger_ or just period_

  15. Riham

    This just seems to me as the kind of things people know about Lebanon but have a hard time admitting them, which is why Jessica got so upset. It’s all sad but somewhat true.

  16. Jessica S

    WAIT, so you think calling me names and accusing me of doing botox, you are actually making a stronger point?????? You think that anyone who will disagree with what you wrote is being defensive???
    What you guys are doing is shaping public opinion, you have an important (powerful) tool in your hands and you are abusing it with this pollution. Your friends can try to bully me as much as they like what you wrote is still very insulting. Thanks for apologizing but it is not enough because as a matter of fact people are still going to read this about us!

    • Jessica you are entitled to your opinion, and I agree that the name-calling on the part of other people was uncalled for. I would like to however hear your point in a more detailed, and less emotional way. Perhaps it would help to get your points heard, I for one am curious about what you have to say.

      Also, when in doubt, a single question mark does the job.
      Cheers !

  17. Dear Jessica,
    Its very difficult for me to not start flamethrowing here. You quoted the author of the post as saying “i know so many amazing truly amazing women who are single in the city” therefore she is actually complimenting the majority of women, NOT writing harmful content.

    Unless of course praising women is actually harmful. There has been vast coverage of physcial and verbal abuse suffered by lebanese, ethiopian, sudanese, and phillipine women in the country. Rather less coverage on how great the women are, as Danielle frequently points out. So I’m a bit confused as to your point.

    May i also refer you to paragraph 3 of my previous comment, which as you will see is visualized in the outdoor ads featured here on Beirut Driveby

    http://beirutdriveby.blogspot.com/

    I would like to specifically draw your attention to the K-Lynn mothers day advert, if you scroll down that site.

    Now it seems that K-lynn are trying to suggest that your mother can be best represented by lesbian strippers. When as we all know, moms are best left tied to the kitchen serving food for their 30 year old sons. Who still live in the house. But i digress.

    A disclaimer – since you seem to be grammatically challenged, does not mean that she is trying to refute her authoring of the post, as per your description, in fact it delimits the scope of rights and obligations

    As in, “when you park your mercedes that your dad has given you in the ABC Achrafieh car park, the Mall accepts no responsiblity for the loss or damage of your car or articles left within it” have a look at the signs this weekend when you go to pick up your louis vuitton handbag

    Various news channels and newspapers in lebanon are also popular. They post much more harmful content based on little to no research, no objectivity and personal views. Hardly a mecca of journalistic excellence. Why don’t you stop visiting this blog and Now Lebanon if you’re so upset with them and put your enthusiasm to a better cause. Lets promote a better image.

    Anything to get Walid Jumblatt off the screen. http://bit.ly/fgKeZl THIS HAS TO STOP immediately :)

  18. Hahaha – totally agree with the whole thing. One thing I have encountered a lot is that Lebanese men abroad will have relationships, but will have their mom find them a bride when it comes to marriage.
    It is very normal to drop in and have a coffee at someone’s place (whom you have never met) so that they can “check out” the girl they have.

  19. A female reader

    Great post !!It isn’t the case for ALL lebanese men and women, that is sure but it’s accurate , and like everything in life there are exceptions, there are good peoples in this world:P:P
    I don’t understand Jessica , why are you so angry?Maybe you can give your opinion in a smoothly way!!!There’s something called discussion!! There are 2 options: either you are feeling targeted by what Danielle is saying so you’re taking it very personally or it’s hard for you to admit that and you just want to think that lebanese girls are not like that!because most of them are!whether you want it or not!!!!!!

  20. Samer

    hmmmm, the list of 10 you (with the help of another 10) came up with is true but why did you only focus on the negative facts. Nothing in your list sounds positive? Are we really that bad when it comes to dating? Don’t get me wrong I’m not blaming you or accusing you of anything I am sure you didn’t intend to only highlight the bad.

  21. Maybe some points you mentioned are applicable to some Lebanese girls and guys and this is typically the cliche about the Lebanese dating scene. And sometimes cliches are based on some truth. Although I know lots of people that do not fit in this mould, at least in my surroundings. But i won’t be arguing this point.

    What actually bothered me the most is the judgment you put in your article. Lots of judgment on the girls and the guys. When i first read the title of your post i thought that you as an American will give us your point of view on dating around the city and not a sociological paper on the Lebanese society. I would have liked more to have YOUR experience and less cliches.

    Anyways, just so you know i love your blog and your writing style. And I’m just trying to explain to you why some people could feel offended from such an article.

    • I completely understand why some people would be offended by this. I try my best to remove all personal judgement from posts like these. After all, who am I to judge? I’m just a foreigner living in your country. As I wrote (in the disclaimer), this was a list I compiled with a bunch of Lebanese people (as well as a few Eastern European women I know) most of them (like developing a relationship while sitting in a car in Dbayeh) I have never experienced myself BECAUSE I am a foreigner so the same rules/restrictions don’t apply to me. To be quite honest, I was also hesitant to write about my personal experiences because there are certain things that should be kept private..personal life is one of them! I already bare enough as it is.. ;D

      Thanks for your comment Nat..Very much appreciated! :D

  22. I haven’t really lived in Lebanon enough to experience this but found this post amusing and from what I hear, not too far away from the truth!

  23. Ali El Dali

    I TOTALLY AGREE WITH YOU IN EACH AN EVERY ASPECT. lol
    I gotta run to class now, but I gotta say that these situations seem pretty different for us (foreigns) because it is not obviously like that back home, right, right?? for people that have been living here its different, I guess, because they have always faced this so its not something they get bothered with.
    Anyways, its perfect Daniella ;)
    I feel the same way, and tell me about the one were people don’t get to approach people they don’t know LAME!
    KEEP IT UP! Awesome post! :)

  24. Pierre

    Ahhhh, Lebanon…
    Living proof that evolution was confined to the Galapagos islands, and God is no more than a giant alien kid with an ant farm.
    Here I am, “Forever Alone”… What was my crime you ask? I just can’t stand the taste of coffee:|

  25. Nat

    Hahaha, this post and the comments were quite entertaining :) Alex said everything I’d ever want to say – just perhaps more eloquently ;)

    Dani, to be honest I found myself at first saying “no that’s not true. How can she stereotype us like that” but a quick self-slap in the face calmed me right back down. The truth might hurt but at the end of the day the cliches and the stereotypes are exactly that for a reason. Contrary to what some have said I felt your post was lighthearted and based on your observations on the dating scene in Lebanon in comparison to what you are used to and I think hearing it from someone else who is new to the way we do things here (might make your audience slightly more inclined to be defensive) but offers a different twist to how we are perceived nevertheless. I don’t think your reflection on the dating scene portrayed Lebanese men and women negatively at all and I at least was not offended – instead I think your insight was interesting and has stimulated “discussion” which can only mean you’re on to something :)

  26. Sorry Jessica, Danielle can say this on her blog, especially after I handed her the Lebanese citizenship a while ago :P

    On another note, I agree with Alex on that point of view, concerning the audience of this blog, vs the people you described in the post.

    I agree with some, and some I don’t agree with, but that’s because I really cannot get an exact number on how much X number of women do the Y thing you know? So I don’t know if we can say “some” or “many” or “most”.

    Danielle, even if you asked 10 different persons, which is very good that you did this, I still think it’s a bit mathematically (even by people who lived in lebanon all their lives) hard to pin point quantitative expressions into such a “conclusive” post, even if there is a disclaimer. I guess, this is where controversy is drawn. But in general, I agree with many of the points you mentioned (by many, i say 7 over 10 :P)

    It’s food for thought :)

  27. S

    I really think a lot of Lebanese men (and women) need to learn how to approach people they don’t know. They either don’t at all (as you mentioned in your post), or do it in a weird/inappropriate way. It is more than an approach, you need to know what to say and when to say it. First impressions do matter in this case especially in pubs as you said in point #3. And I for myself can tell you that most of the people who have approached me in pubs are foreigners! Of course this is not a generalization, but I think a lot of Lebanese men have too much pride and a lot of Lebanese women are self-conscious and think that strangers who approach them only want one thing; and that would make them seem easy in front of others.
    Another thing, one of the reasons why so many relationships develop over Facebook, in cars, or in hidden places is that the Lebanese society is in general a curious one -just like many others, but this is a smaller one which makes it worse. They want to know everything about everybody and judge people by what they see and finally make their own conclusions (right or wrong, but that’s not the point). This fact drives a lot of dating couples to hide as much as they can, and women especially are afraid of being labeled a whore, etc. if they are seen with different men in a short period of time (which could be because they were just dating, for example).
    Point #7 is very well said. This is a hypocrite society. Double standards are running the country and this point has been discussed over and over but in my opinion it is probably not going anywhere-but hopefully will. It is no wonder why Lebanon has one of the highest rates of hymen reconstructive surgery. I honestly respect both the conservative women who “take their virginity so seriously that they don’t even wear tampons” AND the ones who undergo the surgery before their wedding day; but the real heroes in this hard-to-handle society are the women who are honest, and who aren’t afraid of telling their potential future husbands that they are not a virgin.

  28. Palestinian

    One point you I missed in your list is racism. Although you included the background check, you neglected, in my opinion, to mention all those who do not even have a chance in hell; i.e. Palestinians, Asians, Africans and anyone not “White”.

    All in all, this is the Lebanon I encountered on my very short visits and these are the Lebanese I meet (and avoid like an epidemic) when travelling abroad.

    • Didn’t even think to put that in..but you definitely have a point!

    • Samantha

      haha looks like someone has been rejected by a lebanese (man or woman..)

      • Palestinian

        DO NOT make this an issue about rejection!!! There are people in this world who fight for inclusion and justice and not just getting shagged!!!

        What a feeble, despicable mind you have!

        PS. I never found the Lebanese attractive, EVER! So shut your idiotic mouth and pay attention to the world around you!

        IDIOT!

      • Jim

        I use to generalize the middle east really into a giant mass of religiously conservative people. Much to my dismay they are al different and view each other as having poor taste or just being bottom of the barrel. Your more like us Europeans than you think hahahah. My background is German, Irish and Norwegian. All of these groups have different backgrounds and opinions. I will say I find German women too analytical, Irish women fat and hideous [especially American ones], and Norwegian girls too tall for me.

        One thing s for sure the middle east needs a renaissance [politically/religiously etc..] I am not saying be liberal like modern fruitcake Europe but be somewhat more modern in the thought. I would love to travel to the middle east to sight see and see just how different they are compared to my culture. They really have night cubs in the middle east? Have their religions become somewhat more ‘progressive/liberal’ whatever you might call it?

        A few middle eastern women go to my school, I noticed some appear ‘western’ [whatever that means], and others somewhat religious in appearance. Either way they looked pretty attractive but don’t mix outside fo their groups from what I noticed. The one thing that irritates me about Jews, Muslims and Hindus is the fact they do not allow their women to date outside of their religion. I once dated a Jewish girl who had to make everything discreet and I felt like I was being used in a way so I told her were better off just being friends because I found it offensive that she wouldn’t let me meet her parents and did not want to meet mine so that was embarrassing for me. Not to mention she specifically told me to not tell anyone about it, I was like she is setting me for a rape incident or something. So I am a skeptical individual and do not trust in that behavior. Maybe that’s culture shock. IDK Are Lebanese women the same or are they straight forward with you?

    • Samantha

      well, in that case i’m confused, how are you able to recognize the “lebanese dating scene” if you have never been a part of it? and secondly, how dare you calling the lebanese people racists when you obviously are acting like one.. “avoiding the lebanese like epidimic”.. stop being so doubble standard and lay off with your BS.

      • For one: Possibility of racism exists.
        But Palestinian please refrain from talking down on us . The issues you feel exist are political hence becoming social.
        If you don’t feel the Lebanese are attractive- that’s your opinion. We are happy with who we are and many Lebanese might say the exact thing about Palestinians. In all this, you made Samantha’s first comment seem very nice.
        I don’t want to get political on you.. but as a Lebanese- with all due respect- I have a lot to say too. But we’ll leave at that, just a superficial conversation about who looks better.

      • Jim

        Well Middle Easterners can be but probably no more than anyone or everyone else. Hindus and other Orientals can be that’s for sure with my experiences. I went to Japan and could hear them calling me a Guyshin which is an insulting word in Japanese for foreigner.

  29. Ali El Dali

    I cannot delete the previous comment I made, but I’ll start a new one, with more stuff.

    So here’s what I think, apart from everything you stated which I believe perfectly describes the dating concept itself, I also think people are just too attached to whatever culture they belong to. But it is all contradicting at the same time. Take Muslims for instance. All Muslims I know drink, are party animals and some even do drugs – excluding two people I know- the rest, are as crazy as any American, European, Latino, and other crazy people. So, drinking is completely forbidden, but then the idea of dating and getting intimate with another person is not only wrong but also something like aliens? Hope you get my point because its kinda confusing. What I’m trying to say is that if you’re already doing something as bad as any other thing you could do, but you don’t want to be with someone because then people will start talking about you, giving you weird looks, the news will reach to your parents and you’ll be in trouble and more and more drama.

    Lebanon is said to be one of the most open minded countries of the Middle East, but then you barely see people dating (at least I do, compared to Venezuela) and even being Gay is illegal, really! Close minded much?

    I have been here for a year and half, something like that, and everything I’ve seen regarding this topic is just funny. People don’t know how to handle things like hanging out and so on. You see guys showing off with every single thing they have all the time trying to impress, when they’re actually playing stupid. Girls just being teasers and hanging out with someone just because of where he can get her and in what car she’ll be cruising when she gets bored, and more stupid things people shouldn’t care about when it comes to this.

    Thing is people play each other here. We hang out only because I need something from you and vice versa; its a matter of benefiting from the other individual (pathetic). I don’t know where all the I date you even if you’re poor and drive a bicycle and my daddy has tons of money and all those cases where things like religion, money, political preferences, clothe, cars didn’t matter and it was all about personality and shit like that.

    So, there it is. That’s what I think Nena! People here are stuck ups, teaser, and microwaves and and and… (I’ll explain this one, I promise (it has a meaning in Spanish)) I could go on and on talking about this, but its not worth it (I was thinking on writing about this too lol).

    Let me know how you like it! DALEEE!! ;)

  30. Ranwa Z

    Amazing, there couldn’t have been a better compilation, and for whoever mentioned the Marina Dbayeh thing and said it wasn’t true, well I don’t know what age group you belong to, but it definitely does happen..at least for people <25 (approx.)
    As for the people who criticized this post in a negative manner and took things personally, whatever happened to freedom of thought?freedom of speech? especially as u gave no harmful label to anyone in ur post.
    Keep up the great work :)

  31. Jimmy

    I think the Lebanese society and its dating is much more complicated to be summed uped in 10 points Dani !! Many of us if not all of us who come and comment here on your blog are university graduates , educated and working with a good salary and are from medium to upper social class. It is only representative of this part of society. Unfortunately the medium class isn’t the most representative one of our society and thus your 10 points do not apply to the majority of Lebanese.
    But I’m not saying that what you’re saying is not true…but not representative of the majority. But it’s good to give us your point of view ;-)

  32. Jimmy

    Actually you have this tendency in generalizing anything that you see in Beirut to a global Lebanese scale.
    The majority of Lebanese didn’t reach university for instance.
    The small microcosme that you frequent in Beirut is really NOT representative of Lebanon. You cannot resume the Lebanese youth to the peeps frequenting Hamra and Gemmayze ! Many many Lebanese youth from outside of Beirut and Mount Lebanon has never been to these places !
    Even IN Beirut not all youth are so much into these places , simply prefering going to Cinema or having a walk on the corniche than hanging in Hamra.

    • Youssef Chaker

      it’s funny how when Dani says that this is what she’s learned and then asks the readers to contribute their side, all of those who disagree only manage to attack Dani without providing any support to their disagreement.

      Jimmy, you do mention that the readers of this blog and Dani’s circle of friends are not representatives of the Lebanese community. That is true, but what you fail to do is provide what you think the representative community in Lebanon does when it comes to dating in Lebanon.

      Dani said: “Tell me what you think. Is it accurate, totally inaccurate, or somewhere in between? What would you add/take away?”

      so… what would you add/take away? because I didn’t not see in your comment where you actually provide insight on what others do.

      This has become a very interesting psych/social study: The way people respond to an attempt by one person to initiate a discussion. It is in fact THE reason why I don’t blog. People seem to jump on any opportunity to tell the other person she’s wrong, even if that person has never claimed otherwise. I see this in Lebanese politics but also in US politics. So many times the republicans argue one point, then the moment the democrats support that point, the republicans immediately switch to attacking the democrats for holding that position. The art of dialog and conversation has become a myth in our current societies. Such a shame!

      • Jimmy

        Youssef ,
        Personnaly I cannot talk of what really represents the Lebanese (or their dating , whatever) as we are so much heterogenous. Either by religion , social class , ethny , personnality and personnal beliefs , origin etc…Every time a foreigner comes to Lebanon , he expresses his views of how complicated our country is so he stops trying to understand it…Same goes with me , I don’t think I’ve known enough lebanese people representative of what our country is.
        We are the world reduced to 10452 Km² !
        I regret that you interpreted my answer as a disagreement , I was merely trying to add new elements of reflection and was not attacking anyone whatsoever on his view.

  33. I mostly agree with the points. Loved the post :D

  34. hey..! great post Danielle, I think it’s cute because you put it in an humorous way and I like these ways of describing society!
    I don’t really agree with your points..I know you asked persons about that, but you know how lebanese themselves exaggerate about their reality :)..I used to live abroad and I’ve been here for 7 years (omg already)..i would agree with point 4, 10 for example but would disagree with 2 and 7 for example because I think stereotype only make societies live even more anchored in such frameworks.
    Most of the people around me do consider love as the main point, the thing is your points apply to a huge mass but this society is really changing which for example would make 2 persons rent a flat for intimate moments/and if they’re from different religions, it’s even more explained as society distorts how real relationships should be. I think these points should be nuanced as they can have in themselves good things.
    About virginity for example, there is a total hypocrisy about this subject in Lebanon but when we try to be..open-minded, maybe a way in that would also be to accept the persons that lose virginity/then “bring it back” on:p becaaaauuuuse again it’s society’s fault, or an education they don’t necessarily agree with.
    On day will come and everything will just begin to be crystal-clear.

    Thank you Danielle for talking about such interesting social behavior !!! 3anjad, simply I love how you’re living Lebanon :) ! Hug

    • Jim

      Europe was this way and parts of America are too. I went to my cousins babies christening and was shocked it was at night. Mainly because he had a kid out of wedlock [very disgraceful behavior], but I blame the parents not the child. Parents were stupid and can live with the shame until they get married. I realize this is unacceptable in Islam but watch one day they will become just as liberal if its not already happening. Furthermore I noticed when at that event, my cousin’s girlfriend’s parents sat in the last row in the church as if to not be seen. I was shocked at that, but they are a little too religious from what I know. I have some relatives that are like that, and its not even about religion, my Baptist relatives will hold an event and if your any religious denomination [especially catholic or Methodist] you get served food last at an event, I got upset when they did that and took the plate they handed me and threw it on the ground on their church property. I was offended that here I am your blood, and you served me last because I am not the same denomination as you? Go to hell and I left! I do not get along with them, never have. I remember they came over my house and I was watching some movie and their kids started crying because they called it devil worship. I was like holy crap your brains are fried. That’s evangelical America for you, I just ignore them because they nine out of ten times are mentally retarded. If I find out a girl goes to one of those churches I will end the conversation there and walk away. They are too nutty for me.

  35. just another lebanese girl

    Yo Danielle, you understood the lebanese society sooo well…you can see what a contradiction we live in…we can go out , drink, dance …but then if you are a “good” girl, it should end there, or else you would be a slut…
    gilrs wear things that makes them look half naked, go out, turn the guys on, but then won’t sleep with them, coz they have to be ‘virgins’, as if virginity is defined like that…
    can you imagine the dilema we are living? on one side you have to be a good girl, obeying your parents, your religion that is controlling you (consciently and uncounsciely) and on the other side, to be “cool”, have fun, you have to go out and wear underwear-like cloth just to be noticed or appreciated…
    trust me, the dilemna that we live in is not an easy one…I think we all need psychiatrist in order to survive…
    until then, keep up the good work…and i hope next post wont remind us about our misery ;)
    p.s did you watch Caramel?

    • Thank you for this comment..it shows that you understood what I was trying to achieve my writing this. I have watched the movie Caramel! It was one of the first glimpses I had into Lebanese society.

      Haha..and yes, I will try to come up with a “lighter” post for Monday. Don’t want anyone feeling miserable!! :D Please stop by more often! :D

  36. Loved this post and the stereotyping :-)

  37. Dani, found this blog very interesting.

    However, most university students found it easy to date “within the university”. It is when you work which you face a crisis. Dating someone you work with is not illegal here but frowned upon and no one does it and when you go out to a pub, it’s like it is forbidden to talk with someone outside of your group unless there IS a mutual friend. These points and many others make 100% sense, and whenever my expatriate friends come from Europe or even the states, they tell me “why the heck is it soo hard to date someone here” and I’d tell him most of the girls want serious relationships and cannot do a “2 week arrangement “.

    If i am wrong feel free to reply to this post, I am open to some feedback :)

  38. Raffi

    I agree with you, these points apply to 100% Lebanese who lived all their lives in Lebanon.

  39. Danielle, you just love controversy :P I’ve gone through a few of these and one things that stands out and I’m glad is recognized is what Jimmy said- Lebanese online are different than those not… for one simple reason people whom are blogging, on twitter, have internet access here and there are . The kind of Lebanese you may have encountered maybe nothing like these privileged individuals. Not to take away that these privileged individuals are lower on the chain than many many others or that they do not have their own issues.

    But these things you mentioned, without too much knowledge, I’ve either heard of, seen, dealt with or simply because I know Lebanese people can imagine them possible. Others, I’m not too sure of course.

    Though some people are upset you stereotype, the fact is that you can’t make a list good or bad or in between without stereotypes. You made an observation and you recorded it. Big whoop! You’re Lebanese at this point, you say what you like :) And even if you weren’t, you live amongst the Lebanese and have the right to observe and record. 99.9% of the time you have something good to say… many born and raised Lebanese can’t even do that.

  40. Yasmine

    This post was really entertaining. I am Moroccan, my two roommates are Lebanese and Palestinian (from Jordan) and we were dying of laughter. The thing is that we laughed because we have EXACTLY the same thing in Morocco, and according to my dear buddies, in Jordan and Lebanon too… Could we say it’s an Arab thing? Or an Arab-Mediterannean thing when you consider that it’s only in Lebanon, Jordan, Tunisia, Morocco that you can openly date someone, not like in the Gulf region. I have of lot of Masherki girlfriends and honestly we can SOOOO relate when it comes to boys. The only difference would be that Lebanese men are known for being more romantic than Moroccan men, who don’t abuse too much of the “habib albi”. For the Lebanese girls regarding the financial situation first, same thing it’s neither true or false, I guess it applies to our whole region, as I said we come from traditionnal countries with strong values. And from relatively patriarcal societies… so marrying well is important, both for cultural and practical reason. But we aren’t all black widows looking for a juicy wedding… keep up the good work, it’s s a pleasure to read you

    And since our countries are mostly traditionnal (regardless the religion, virginity is mandatory wether you are Christian, Muslim or Jew among Arab people), a man can introduce to his family (hence marry) only a good girl. Of course we can’t generalize, there’s fantastic Lebanese, Moroccan, Jordanians, etc… men (and thank God!) and hypocrites as well. But it’s true that a girl from our regions should definetly pay attention if she doesn’t want to be made fun of.

    • Jim

      I hear you can be whipped for drinking a beer in Iran? I was invited to a friends house and heard that and was like I think I will pass. He drinks and so do many Iranians [and Middle Easterners]. From what I understand its not socially acceptable but happens. Is it true you can smoke marijuana over there? I would find that strange if so I thought in Islam you cant do anything in terms of substance abuse. Well where there is a will there is a way! I think you left out Turkey whch I hear is the most liberal Middle Eastern nation so far.

  41. annie

    Daniii they all pretend they’re innoncent,they’re not ,they just pretend it in front of their parents and friends,I don’t expect to believe that most of the the girls in a relationship haven’t had sex with their bf

  42. I am a Lebanese woman who lived a third of her life abroad and the rest in Lebanon (am 35). I agree with all 10 points but not so sure about point 4 as these systems are only new in the market and so too soon to judge their impact on our dating system in our society.
    It is very hard to admit the reality of things but yes the Arabs from the Gulf region come here because many Lebanese women have sex. We have double standards where women are to stay virgins until married if not will be stigmatized and rejected. We are hypocrits! Dressing sexy but a man cannot get further, but if they do then it depends on her boyfriend: either he accepts that fact and still marry her (which is rare) or she will have the operation and find another who will;
    However they will sleep with foreigners as they are leaving the country and anyways they don’t jugde! I have tons of foreign friends and they all tell me the same thing: “most girls are superficial with empty brains”.They are disappointed as they see all this beauty but no intellect! I try to defend our women because not all are like that but these days there is a fierce competition where beauty is the ticket to get a husband, a growing phenomena “plastic surgery”!so many are occuring that a credit facility has been offered and medias are talking about it abroad. Yes in general women will never make the first move and if a man does (which she doesn’t know but is attracted to) and she says hi back, of course she is scared he will think she is easy.
    The fault lies in the education that both have received, where a man is entitled to have sex before marriage so he gains experience and a woman is to be pure and “good”.
    We are lost, not knowing what standards to follow, it is the fault of the social pressure as women feel trapped in their own game.
    But again not all are like that, because many are traditional and won’t go to bars etc…and will meet their future husband/spouse via a matchmaker etc..
    The question is why are some people offended by this reality and take it so personal by rejecting it?open your eyes because your are living in denial or just one of them but don’t know that you are!
    I have so much to say on all the aspects of these issues, because I am sick of the hypocrisy that we live in.
    But believe me this generation is more liberated not my generation, as I could not even hold the hand of my boyfriend in the street but now they kiss in public! Which direction is this evolution, if we can call it one, taking us? do we know where we are going?and do we want to?

  43. S

    I think this is your most successful post, Danielle.

    I wanted to share a story that actually happened to a friend of mine a couple of summers ago:
    My friend who lives in Lebanon had her cousin over from Canada for a visit. They went to one of the very famous mosques in Beirut because she was curious to see one. As they entered, and were speaking English, a young Lebanese man in his early 20’s approached them and started talking to them. After a few minutes, he expressed his desire to sleep with one of them because he was getting married soon and he was a virgin; so he wanted to have some experience before marriage. And since they were foreigners (them speaking English did the trick), he thought it was OK for them to sleep with a random stranger.
    I don’t know what this means, but I think it is another side of the Lebanese society. I think it sort of validates and adds to your point #8.

  44. Hahaha loved this, so funny and so true!

  45. Pingback: Lebanese blogosphere weekly link roundup (2011/04/10) | +961

  46. Number 6 is a VERY good observation I had never noticed =P

    Kudos Danielle, wonderful post <3

  47. Kareem Zreik

    While I think some things might be a bit more specific to our culture than others, I would argue that you could replace the word “Lebanon” with any similar country and get the same results. Others, like 1,3, and 9, are probably universal across most cultures in the world.

    Again, you definitely point out unique things but I don’t think they’re limited to Lebanon at all. We’re by far not the only society that values virginity (for better or for worse. Probably for worse.), for example. Neither are we the only – come to think of it: any person alive today, more or less, takes advantage of number 4!

    Not to sound pedantic (I think it’s too late, as I already came off like that when I first typed the word “think”) but I wasn’t aware of any studies regarding number 6. Seems plausible, but again: if true, it would probably apply to many different nations.

  48. Excellent!! i couldn’t possibly agree more.
    danielle, you could have fooled me for someone who’s been living in leb their entire life!!
    u made a follower out of me with this post. love it!

  49. Wow, 92 responses! you sure hit a chord here! :P

    i love #10 … it’s too true to be true! at 9a.m. full makeup, cleavage, heels and the whole combo … off to work? really? i don’t know what they try to achieve..

  50. Sarah

    I just wanna say I posted this on my FB today and my friends that read it enjoyed it – the Lebanese Americans, but especially the “foreigners” lol…

  51. I was in Liban last summer and I have to say that this post is true for the most part. I was raised in America since I was about 5 or 6 years old and when I went back to visit Beirut, I found Lebanese women very, very irritating and childish and most of the men were douche-bags. It helped me understand why my parents are so stupid. So much wasted energy for nothing.

  52. I have a hate group too :D
    Loved reading you!!!

  53. Randon Dude

    I somehow came upon this post randomly from Google but found it really interesting as I was in Beirut for two weeks last summer. I’m Indian, but born in the USA, and lots of the things you are talking about apply to India and other places in Asia as well as in the Mideast.

    So my point is I don’t know if it’s just a Lebanon thing, it’s really a non-western thing. In a lot of these places, you have the upper class kids going to clubs, dressing hootchie, having stealth boyfriends that their family doesn’t know about, but you still have these expectations that girls are suppose to be virgins at marriage and guys are suppose to only marry “good” girls. I’ve seen this all over, in Indonesia, China, Vietnam.

    It’s sort of like these societies are at the crossroads between having a American/European lifestyle where people just date and sleep around openly versus a really traditional lifestyle where no one really does anything. I imagine that in 20-30 years as people get more and more liberal they will eventually replicate the American/European lifestyle.

    • Jim

      I would not call it ‘European’. If our ideas influence them its only in a way where they take what could be culturally transferable into their culture. I think they are lightening up maybe because their close location in regards to Europe. Im sure many Europeans are tourist there and judging from how ancient these countries are Im sure they are friendly to people visiting. I bet they are still strict though in our terms. Its funny how when Europe was extremely strict was during the dark ages and then the reverse had happened in the middle east. There was a time when the middle east was more liberal and Europe more dark age when it came to thinking and religion. The Age of Reformation had a lot to do with that and then later on the rebellions against the monarchies which produced modern day France and places like the Netherlands. I do not like the Dutch though they are strange people and make 30% national budget off of prostitution. I think that’s disgusting and mind you I live in America where prostitution at least for a long time was unacceptable and in some places still is.

      Religious conservatives are everywhere here too but not every state has a lot of them. More liberals everywhere for good or for bad. I think the Middle East will eventually become like Europe in the sense of a reformation and a renaissance period and then the violence we see will eventually go away. Its something they must do though not America or anyone else because they wont interpret our presence there as a positive thing. They still have the idea of crusades in their heads and this ‘jihad’ foolishness, which doesn’t actually do anything. I hope Lebanon isn’t plagued by this violence.

  54. Ninz

    Hello!
    well, i got this blog from a friend, and what i have read is very interesting so far, whether the blog itself or the comments on it, it has a certain deja vu to it because so many people tried to categorize the Lebanese dating scene and society and so many people fiercely defending or attacking… so if you don’t mind, i would love to input my two-cents on the matter from my own personal experience:
    being a 33-year old non-virgin, educated, religious-less, politic-less young non-smoking woman who has an amazing circle of friends, with my time divided between my work, my hobbies, my different activities, and just hanging out with my LGBTAH friends (H for hetero). I have lived basically alone for the last 10 years in an area close enough to Beirut but far enough to have a break from it. in the last 7 years, i have had a series of “attempts” of dating, with Lebanese and non-Lebanese, and i have ended up with either a broken heart or a headache. There can be many variables that resulted in this, but i can tell you that the methods of approaching a girl that i experienced left me puzzled. if i show interest too soon, i will get dumped, if too late, i would be left behind, if i express my opinion to strongly i would get shunned, if i didn’t give in soon enough i would get replaced, if i give in too soon, i get the “use’em, dump’em” treatment, if i refused to “belong” to a religion, political party, or basketball team i will get ignored, if i acted as my comfortable self, i would get judged. Now i am not saying that everyone is like that, and some of the points mentioned in the blog are true in a more or less relative way, but for me, the dating scene in Lebanon, especially in Beirut, and even more especially in large towns across the country, is too intricate with too many double standards and hidden rules that at this point, I am just not trying anymore. And don’t think that foreigners visiting Lebanon act any different, they would expect you to “put out” since we are in the most open-minded society in the Middle East, right?
    I am not bitter if you thought i am, i am just very puzzled, and a tad amused. sometimes one wonders, what are the ten things, twenty things, thirty things, or any things that define the dating scene in Lebanon, how much are you willing to compromise from your integrity to the “values” of society, or if you really think it is all worth it!
    Still, amazing post, I will make sure to follow it from now on!

    Peace out, and good luck!

  55. jo mahmah

    I actually agree with the initial post. It is fairly accurate and depicts a more general statement on finer details of the dating game here, especially the use of social media and transportation as steps of the casual dating process.

    Although the post was one sided, not showing any positive aspects of the game here as opposed to dating in other countries (fast quick and easy). I enjoy the fact that you can’t directly approach people. It’s the thrill of the chase and who is not up for that challenge?

    And you have to applaud the Lebanese for being brutally honest. If you ain’t got the goods get out duh hood.

  56. Youssef Chaker

    Just a quick note because this has come up in a conversation I’ve had. There is one thing about the Lebanese girls/women that makes number 3 (approaching them) difficult. And what I’m about to say was something that was actually said by a Lebanese girl, so I’m not hating!

    These girls tend to be very mean. If you’re tall they mock you for being tall (‘tawil habil’) and if you’re short they mock you for being short. If you take care of your looks they mock you for that, if you don’t they mock too. No matter who you are, they’re too good for you. And they’re very big on verbal abuse. And of course, if the guy fights back, he’s an ass. if he doesn’t, he’s a wimp.

    I’m fine with this kind of behavior as long as there’s a limit. I like strong women with a personality, but give a brother a chance!! A battle of ‘come backs’ is not fun or sexy…

    Now girls, I understand there are plenty of jerks and you want to weed them out, but you are also pushing the nice guys away as well. (just food for thought)

    • Alice

      Well put! Seems like both men and women after a certain age work on a “worst case scenario basis” responding to approaches from the opposite sex more as an insult, rather than a compliment.
      Like you said, a little more positive thinking, give people a chance (staying true to yourself always) talk, listen and see how it goes…

  57. Joelle

    I only agree with numbers 4, 7 and 8. The rest i don’t agree with. I will take 9 as an example. If you are with a well educated man who takes himself seriously i am sure he won’t be looking on your physical aspects above intelligence, values etc. Maybe as a first impression not more than that. He can stay with a beautiful girl who lacks the other values you mentioned but could not stay in the relationship for max a month. He will surely be needing a woman who stimulate him mentally; with whom he can discuss the problems he encountered during the day, a woman who will be able to hold a conversation when gathered with his friends, etc. In addition, being with a woman that is “average and less” looking but has intelligence, character, and moral values will be perceived as beautiful and she will be wanted. However, being with a woman that is very good looking but has No intelligence, character, and moral values will be perceived as ugly and he wouldn’t want to spend more than 5 minutes with her after getting to know her.

  58. dk

    And therein lies the tragedy in being a single Lebanese-American woman! I’m lost in the Lebanese dating world. And in the American one. Disaster. Lol. Loved reading your post. Well done. Thank you :)

    • Jim

      Well you shouldn’t be so restrictive with dating a specific group, unless of course you are not a picky person. I do not like online dating because everyone you meet are specially looking for a certain person which is like casting a fishing line into a pond expecting to catch something big. I have never had any luck with it. I just go out places to meet people or volunteer somewhere is a great way. Almost joined the red cross but did not think going to the middle east with a red cross would be a very good idea even though my intentions would be to help others. [I think it has to do with the image of the organization]. I also have no medical background so I ruled that out.

  59. AmericanWoman4LebaneseMan

    Okay, so to stick to the subject of dating Lebanese men. I am an American woman of 32. I have recently enough began a “mobile app” relationship with a Christian Lebanese man of 32. He loved me so quickly, within days, and before he even knew my name. This rendevous has been going on for approx. 3 months now. He wants me to marry him. I can not deny I have very strong and real feelings for him as well. Hell, I think I am in love. I am a very attractive, independant and vivasious woman. I have even tried to end our the relationship because of my doubts and to protect my heart. However; I cried as if I were 15 and had my heart broke or the first time! Therefore; I begged him to forgive me and blamed it on PMS. Please enlighten me. Am I being fooled? Am I just his ticket to the USA? or could this possibly be real? Is it common for Lebanese men to try to find an American woman for a way in? This is all very confusing to me. I have plans to come there to him in October. I am neverous. I am confused. I have never left the states, except for the Caribbeans, but I am willing to fly over 18 hours just to meet this man. This man whom I really feel I love. We have laughed. We have cried(well me). We have been intimate. All in the Cyber World and this crazy place of “mobile apps”. I just need advise. This is the only place I have found that could possibly be helpful. Words from the wise and experienced… Could this possibly work out? What advise can you give? or am I apart of a whole new generation of Cyper dating?? Should I go to Beirut in October or should I just let him go..with a broken heart? Thank you for any insight you and your guest may me able to give. All comments and criticizism are welcome. I really just want to Yala Beirut.

    • Alice

      So you have never met this guy or actually developed a relationship with in person? Presuming this is correct…. Sounds to me like you need to actually meet and get to know this person (and by that I mean the actual person) only then will you get the answers to all your questions. There is no formula “Lebanese man [virtually] loves me quickly = in need of green card for the US” you can apply, especially when it sounds like you barely know anything about this guy. If you feel like a trip to Lebanon could be beneficial to you to learn about the culture and about the country this guy is from and to also get to know him, go for it. If you feel deep down that this is not for you, then maybe it’s better this way (though a trip to Lebanon independently of this guy could could be fun).
      Good Luck!

    • oldman

      AmericanWoman4LebaneseMan I am 52 years old Lebanese man, online since early 90’s and had lots and lots of experience on line. I felt touched after reading your post, and since I can confidently give you a good advise based on my very long experience in all sort of dating and chat applications, as well as many relations online,(I got married many years back after meeting on ICQ and still having good life with my wife ). So please listen to what I would say :
      Unless you meet in person and live with him in real life for long time, there is no way that you know the real him. I can not judge his intentions, its 50 50 chance. If you were living in Beirut it would have been much easier for you to meet him in person.
      I can say yes, its in the mind of many Lebanese men even its their dream to get a visa to USA, but is this guy one of them ? I don’t know even though I feel he is but as I said unless you meet in person and live with him you will not be able to know him, but who knows even if you meet him in Beirut he will just act as Mr. perfect just to get what he wants.
      After all what I can say is that its very risky, and if you ask me my opinion I would advise you to find a way to forget the whole thing, it may be difficult but much easier than what you will feel in case you find out later that visa was all what he wanted.

    • erica

      i would be very much interested in knowing what happened in the end. would love to share experiences, i myself have also been looking for answers on dating a lebanese man and there is lack of material out there!
      care to exchange in emails? in any case, hope it went well whatever it is you decided! :)

    • Dear AmericanGirl4LebaneseMan: OMG do I ever understand your feelings as I am in a very similar relationship. I am 22 and people tell me how beautiful I am and never have I ever felt so beautiful as with this FB Lebanese man. He has made me come into life, has touched something inside of me I don’t even know. I have always prided myself for having a cool head, especially with men. Meaning I have never allowed myself to lose myself in a relationship or over a man, until him. It’s like i’ve lost my mind over him and he of course behaves, rather writes like he has too, telling me he is out of his mind out of control in love with me, that I am everything to him and he cannot live without me. He’s handsome, sexy , smart and has a pretty good job. He worships me or really writes this way, but I am so turned upside down with this that I don’t know. What I do know is no man has ever proposed this fast to me, like 1 week and speaks of how he wants our babies to look like me. Never in a thousand years would I even tolerate or consider any man that would propose so fast as this, If an American man said this, I would run as fast as I can, and lose him for good. As if he was mocking and degraded marriage by proposing so fast without us knowing anything of another. I take marriage vows very seriously and yet I allow him to say whatever he wants and let him get away with it. I know what you mean about the PMS thing, about crying and being sensitive over him. I do cry so much over him, and feel like I would rather die than to know if he was using me. What I don’t understand is are Visas that hard to get for the Lebanese man and if they have good jobs in Lebanon why not stay? I have told him I will live with him there or anywhere and he seems fine with this. So Oldman kindly replied to you about Visas but I still don’t understand. Are you going to follow Oldman’s advice? I wonder if some Lebanese men like American women because we can be very blond or look somewhat different than a Mid East girl and maybe they would like to try some variety? Don’t know. But my man treats me so far like a princess. I hope for you that your dream with this man turns out to be a genuine and true relationship for you. You sound like such a nice good person and just know you have others here that want to see you happy and for good things for you to happen. God Bless and thank you for sharing your story, it has helped me so much. Calfornia Girl

      • oldman

        I would like to clarify few things : In Lebanon there are so many different societies, with many different values, many ways of thinking, morals, etc. Not only because there are different religions, you can find contrasting differences within moslems or christians. There are many moslems who are totally adapted to western values, while there are many who are not, same thing applies to Christians. So its difficult to know the real inside of a Lebanese by just knowing his religion as there are so many other factors.
        All what is advised here remains general, and the real decision should be taken by you, as no one here realy knows the person you are in love with, he could be faithful and could be not, in Lebanon as any where else we have both the good and the bad, however it remains a fact that many Lebanese men are desperate to get into USA to start a new life running away from the high unemployment rate, high prices, etc. and after 9 11 it became even more difficult if not impossible to get tourist visa to US.

  60. Fam

    Yes Naiveamericanwoman4lebaneseman you should go, absolutely! Just to get the post passport (He used to be so nice, I just can’t understand!) divorce-heartbreak out of the way as quickly as possible, and while you’re still young. If you’re lucky you can be back up and running again by the time you’re thirty five! So whatcha waiting for?!!! Go for it! Woowoowoowoo!!!

    Just try not to blow too much money along the way….And for the love of God do not have any kids.

  61. Habibti :) You are soooooo right! Damn that shit is right and it’s really good ( so it isn’t shit, you know what I mean ;) )…Woow well done…and yap it’s sooo sad…but whatever…I’ll marry hmmm….NOBODY, just myself…it’s easier to handle :p

  62. Sam

    I agree with alot of it, it does NOT apply to the Lebanese people outside of Lebanon, but inside it. Its a small country and very very ridiculously sectarian. I can’t stand that and have’nt visited since for that reason. People will ALWAYS ask you in the first 5 minutes of meeting, indirectly, what religion you are, either by asking for your last name or asking which part of a certain area your family is from.

    About the Eastern European women comment, i’ve worked in East Asia (Japan, South Korea, Hong Kong, Shanghai) and people often assume the same thing there about Eastern Europan women, especially Russians. Its not unique to Lebanon at all.

  63. I stumbled upon this blog by accident and I wasn’t really interested in posting a reply until I saw some of the very rude and abrasive comments made about the post. What the author described in those 10 points is not 100 % true when it comes to many people in Lebanon, it’s 120 % true. I have lived and studied in Lebanon for 4 years and before that, I would visit the country at least 2 times a year so I am very much aware of the norms and mannerisms of the different societies present within the country. Of course, not everyone will have the exact same mentality or mind-set as the majority in their society or community but – and I am stating this as a fact, not an observation – all the different societies in Lebanon share basic views and opinions on what is considered as a “decent lifestyle”. I say “societies” because that is what Lebanon is made up of, societies that were formed based primarily on Religious and Political views. Having traveled to different cities and countries around the world, I find Lebanon to be a country that a very limited variety of mentalities and mind-sets amongst the people (I can count them on one hand.) As a half-Lebanese person that was born and raised outside of Lebanon, I was never truly able to adapt to or embrace traditional or predominant Lebanese mentalities (and quite frankly, I don’t even want to.) I don’t see why people should be accepting of the standards or norms of Lebanese societies when so many Lebanese people are very judgmental and unaccepting of outsiders and, sometimes, their own people. The proof of this has already been provided by some of the people that commented on this post: Jessica S, did you really expect people to react to your comment in a constructive manner when you, yourself, made that comment using a very hostile and condescending tone? At least others who also disagreed with certain things the author mentioned had the decency to do so in a respectable manner. If you don’t like what the author of this blog had to say, here’s a little something you can do about it: don’t read it. It’s that sort of hostile behavior that give a lot of Lebanese people a negative image. As for telling the author that she needs to “STOP” writing such things…well, STOP reading them. Not everyone will form the same opinion of a country and its people. We are not robots.

    • Thank you so much for this comment Yasmine! I really try my best to be objective when I write! But sometimes being objective can make your writing wishy washy. I’m not afraid to say that these posts are written only on what I observe and experience, what else can they be based on! And you’re right..for those people who find it that offensive, I just wish they would stop reading! :D

  64. Maria

    I agree with every single word written in this article…and out of experience..
    Unfortunetly our society sucks.

  65. Well at least i am not the only one who things this situation is messed up here!

    I was so frustrated i dedicated a whole blog to the dating process… Let me know what you think..

    http://www.beirutdatingdisaster.wordpress.com

    Best,
    G

  66. Alice

    Interesting and amusing post. Thank you!
    I can’t imagine this post being seriously offensive to anyone, maybe cause in all my travels I notice that the situation is almost identical everywhere. Personal relationships/interactions between the sexes suffer from more or less the same stereotypes everywhere to various degrees…
    Having a sense of humor and having a laugh about it every so often also helps! x

  67. Lina Balina

    I love it!! You said the things that everyone sees. its true its a generalization but most people that have lived here have experienced it. To all the naggers, if you know who you r you shouldnt be offended.

  68. FAD - Lebanese and Proud to be

    I think the writer of this article has spent a lot of time around losers (including “the 10 different people”), which makes me wonder that maybe the writer her/himself is one! Anyway, if you are looking for some nice people to date in Lebanon you don’t go to bars and pubs unless you’re looking for casual sex. I really feel sorry for the writer and what he or she has been through, but my advice is to go for some fresh air, go for some hiking, mountain climbing, group cycling.. It will help not only to find some nice people but also to heal from those bad experiences! Anyway, look at any other part of the world and tell me how it is better… So please, spare me the bull’s

  69. Hi and thank you for this Post, I see the attempt that you are making to help many of us understand how it is to perceive and understand our global dating scene and within various cultures. It is important I think to
    attempt a dialogue about this regardless of the inevitable stereotyping that occurs.

    Oldman, thank you so much for your contribution you have added here. I am a young American woman who has met a Lebanon man on FB, as he pursued me for a long time until I finally fell into his charms and relentless pursuit of me. I am a green eyed blond girl, with long hair etc..just very Western looking I guess and it seems he really really likes these aspects of me.
    He proposed to me only after 1 week of both of us intensely inboxing each other and has gotten to the point we write of having children and where we are to eventually live. I too, like the woman above that you responded to, have cried like a little girl over this man. He seems to worship and adore me, I have sent him lots of photos as has he and we both feel such an attraction for each other. He wants us to meet in RL and I am terrified about this, about thinking that reality will surely kill this fantasy we are in.
    Can it possibly be real? This relationship we have? He seems to love with all things American, and of me–asks so many questions about me–like am I a true blond and my long legs, and my sexual past and relationships. He behaves as if all I do is so wonderful and perfect. I am afraid that he is putting me on a pedestal and surely one day I will fall in his eyes and this will be the end. I beg him to take me off of it and he won’t. He says he loves me on it, that I belong there. I have been sexual once in my life and I lied to him after reading the expectations Lebanese men have about virginity and so I feel so badly about this lie.

    I guess I need help from any Lebanese men who would help me understand more of what is going on, what is cultural and what is just him being a man. I have sent him photos of me, in underwear etc..and will never send him nudie photos, but I don’t know even if this is me trying to lead him on? I have such feelings of intense love for him, feel I could marry him tomorrow. Yet we have every conceivable differences between us, such as I come from a very rich family and he does not and of course I do not care at all about this, I have much education and a good paying job, and his is medium, I am from California, very free spirited culture and a Christian and of course he is Muslim and I am thinking the culture is much more conservative than mine. He says his family will love me very much and there will be no religious difficulties. There are just so many obstacles between us now as our long distance is a primary one. He lives in Beirut.
    Have I given my heart away to a man who will hurt me, tire of me one day? I have thrown all reason away for him, especially having a marriage proprosal only after one week! and both of us feeling so in love. I mean have never felt like this before ever and would or feel I would do anything for him, He is handsome and so good and sweet to me, considerate and loving. Talks about our future and children one day. One thing has worried me though, he calls me his Baby Girl and I read this article yesterday that said many Arab men call their American girlfriends this name, which makes me wonder if I am just being played? If so I will be devastated and full of grief. But I’d rather know now than learn later when I feel him using me would kill me. He is the most amazing man I have ever met.

    Please anyone who can help me in understanding more of Lebanese men and their culture and differences, please please respond. I am so grateful for this place of being able to share like this. California Girl

  70. Dear Oldman, I just saw your reply to me up higher on the page where I left a reply, and had not checked that post from me, just the one above here. Anyway, thank you from the bottom of my heart for answering me with your thoughtful and kind reply here. What you said helped me so. My bf has a job offer in France and tells me he would/will not need a Visa to travel, to see me, etc……….so I don’t feel he is after me for this reason. I don’t feel he is. There are tiny little red flags, yes, that are occurring between us, but overall, I feel this could occur w/any man in a long distance relationship.
    However I did read an article about how American women are viewed by Arab Muslim men, especially the blonde ones. That we are viewed as “cheap, easy to bed, thoughtless, and stupid overall”. Also that oveall Muslim mean will not tolerate a Catholic or Christian wife whether or not he is devout or not. So far my bf says he likes that I am Catholic, and enjoys hearing of my feelings about God and faith. He says he is not a practicing Muslim. This article says one day or another the Arab man will not allow his wife to choose the child’s religion etc..My faith is of utmost importance and this worries me and he has told me he wants my babies one day.
    One thing that bothers me, is that he does seem a bit too “in love” with my blondeness, green eyes and tawny skin, as he talks about this so very much in my thinking and compares me so with other women. But I have just thought this meant he is still in the infatuation stage with me where I can “do no wrong”. YET!!!! LOL…I try to tell him this will occur, where our “honeymoon” time will one day change, and he will see my flaws and faultls, which I have plenty of and don’t think all the blondeness, green eyes etc will stop it. :) BTW I am not the “dyed” hair blonde, but much more natural. Because this article I read said for an Arab Muslim “the blonder and faker the better”. This is not me at all. Anyway you are a very very kind Man Oldman. I don’t think you are all that old either LOL. My uncle is your age and is the most fun and delightfully funny man I know! LOL. You to answer me and others here, is the BEST and has been so much help for me. Your kindness will be remembered by me. Again thank you very much for your time and attention. It means a lot! Best to you. California Girl.

  71. lovin the post, one of the most entertaining “top 10″ lists I’ve seen in a while. I would also add that a deceivingly high number of those stereotypical Lebanese boys who mistake Eastern Europeans for prostitutes and that scuff at the idea of marrying a non-virgin actually loose their virginity to prostitues! (According to my Lebanese sources).

  72. Heh this post is entertaining and fairly accurate.

    All i know is, i drive around in my Toyota, i get shunned by even the lowliest peasant girls, taking into account im very tall and quite good looking.

    Now, i decide to go out in the Lexus, spread eagle reception everywhere.

    It is idiotic, disheartening, and downright repulsive.

  73. christian

    100% true

  74. Hey,

    I couldn’t find your contact but add me on Facebook I want to write you something offline.

    What a great post and so accurate. I just came back from spending a month there and your observations or your 10 friends’ observations are right on the money. Sorry guys you can disagree as much as you want but Lebanon has it’s own dating rules and games. I found them to be quite different but once you have mastered them they follow a similar pattern and yes you can survive dating there once you figure it all out :) I found the guys to be truly friendly there but the girls put on an attitude or at least try to because “playing hard to get” is big there. Even if 2 people love each other, they won’t be open about it.

    I am actually half Muslim and half Christian but found the Muslim guys more interested in closing the deal and getting married faster than the Christian guys. Again just my observation. I also found them to be more family oriented.

    G

  75. Need to get my ass out of here before I turn 40

  76. Pingback: 10 things I’ve learned about dating in Lebanon | nickzouein

  77. I hate Lebanese girls there so stuck up & hairy wallah I hate out culture

  78. Chopard

    Hey i love your blog! I REALLY NEED ADVICE ON DATING A LEBANESE guy or anyone of these bloggers please. Its Long distance, we havent met yet (in person) but im planning to visit there and i’m terrified! will his folks like me? what about his sisters? are they going to criticize me? Do lebanese people date outside of their culture? Wheres a good hotel to stay for about 2 weeks (affordable)…..i’m so scared its a shame’ please some advice needed! i don’t know anyone there but him how am i to survive? when i visit there?

    • Sara

      Wow- is it me or are Lebanese men the most handsome devils ever!!! I’m meeting my lebananese man I’n august , i will be there for two weeks also,we are both In our late twenties with children and divorced. This will be my first trip alone, so like u I’m scared to death also! I will be flying out of the US, and my fight is like almost 17hrs. So i quess i will have plenty of time to think!
      I’m jumping in, i can’t live In fear forever, if it doesn’t work then so be it, I’m gonna do this through nerves shakiness and plain out Fear, i have to believe it’s gods will:) We met online and have been unseparatable since then. He is Christian I’m catholic. Good – luck to you

      • AusLiz

        hi Sara, I am an aussie chicky married to a lebanese man, how did your meeting go last month in August. I am interested to hear your story. I met my husband online 3 yrs ago. :)

  79. Chopard

    I am in the exact predicament as the AmericanGirl4LebaneseMan me and this guy met the same way!……same app everything….i’m not from the U.S., i’m from the caribbean, i’m of indian descent. Why would he be interested in me? I’m divorced. Why the talk of marriage and love and settling down? am i in for a hearbreak here people? I need some answers i’m planning a trip and its not cheap i cannot invest in something if its headed for a disaster? It’s been 3 months…… i havent said the “L” WORD YET. I’m trying to learm alot about this culture but so far this blog is helping me alot….some imput please? would love to find out how AmericanGirl4LebaneseMan story went..wonder if she had a happy ending?

  80. Chopard

    Looking forward to some feedback

  81. Chopard

    I started off with this amazing Lebanese guy 3 months ago, through a mobile app….we usually message each other everyday, sends pics….sometimes call and skype, i’ve really fallen for him, he’s kind..sweet caring and everything else inbetween. He makes me feel like the most beautiful person in the world. Though we haven’t met in person yet just I really want to meet him and i’m planning to make a trip in october.
    I’m terrified, he isn’t muclim or christian…he is druze, i dont know much about the religion, i’m currently a student (university), i dont know if his family would accept me i need some advice on their culture in Lebanon.
    He talks about meeting his family and marriage…etc… He is in his late 20’s and so am i. I am feeling overwhelmed by everything. Am i being played? Words are just words right ? His actions and interest towards me have shown me alot …..i need help….opinions advice of any sort….i wish i had lebanese friends who could advise me….

    • AusLiz

      HI chopard, I am an australian woman who met my husband online 3 yrs ago. I am happy to share my story with you. Oh and I am happily married. :D I am definitely blessed. I found this blog interesting.

  82. Latinaa

    What’s the name of that app? Is it called Smoothie by any chance?

  83. Sara

    I love your blog!!!!:)
    I am seriously considering marrying a Lebanese man, he is In the military and we met online. I just want to know about him and his culture and country of course- what i have noticed is he doesn’t much like when i get angry and always wants to have things his way…. Ugh, I’m an American -and here we are equal! I’m getting ready to go visit him I’n Lebanon on his break from the military and i am wondering what to wear , how i should act? Can i kiss him when i first meet him or do i wait? He will be picking me up from the airport. And are Lebanese men short or tall cause as of yet i just can’t tell if he is short, praying he’s not.

  84. C-Dub

    As an American man seeking a woman from Labanon I love this blog. One question though…how do Labonese women view Black Americans? Your post suggests a solid “cast system” that determines compatibility. Where do Blacks fall in this hierarchy? I am not only interested from a romantic standpoint, but also a social economic observation. Any HONEST insight into the subject would be appreciated and received without judgement or ridicule. For I understand the differences in cultural values and perceptions.

  85. Ess

    This is all so very interesting-ive seen all the numbers;1 through 10. I cant but say that im 26 and havent experienced any of them. Ive seen friends and family go through them,but i wander around like everything around me is a circus in this country.
    And yes the whole virginity part is incredibly frustrating. I do take my virginity seriously and yes i dont wear tampons, but ive had waayyy too many guys tell me about their experiences in bed BUT would only think about marrying a girl like me!
    So heres a big fat FUCK YOU to every guy thats ever done that-and oh they end up marrying the slut anyways.
    Enjoy a generations of orgies u sick people
    I hate this country!

  86. Reblogged this on Be Free and commented:
    Must read,so true!

  87. AusLiz

    California girl, I am an Australian woman married to a lebanese man. I am happy to share my story with you.

  88. I will immediately grab your rss feed as I can not in finding your email subscription link or newsletter service. Do you’ve any? Please let me know in order that I may just subscribe. Thanks.

  89. loveprincess902

    Hi! I guess I need help from any Lebanese men who would help me how do I know if a lebanese guy is serious in a relationship?

  90. What’s up, the whole thing is going well here and ofcourse every one is sharing information, that’s
    in fact excellent, keep up writing.

  91. Pingback: What Do I Need To Get Married In Skyrim

  92. Omar Baassiri

    7 is my lucky number. Therefore, I shall respond to that one.

    Take them out of Lebanon, and they will get married.

  93. LG

    You are absolutely right about this. As a lebanese girl I have to sadly agree with your points… but we grew into thinking these things are normal (I’m not generalising, meaning I very honestly don’t seek a guy with cash) so it gets pretty difficult for us to change cultures…
    In my opinion the problem is related to a lot of contradictions: no pre-marital sex and dressing VERY provocatively. Lebanese people are trying to be “in” and “open-minded” and hypocritically bounce back to old traditions… I’m not gonna lie, I’m a little old-fashioned of my own, and I actually follow through, unlike girls who play hard-to-get while showing 87% of their skin.
    I hope this article of yours is not underrated.

  94. Reblogged this on LaMa Jurdi and commented:
    This is shameful and 100% true.

  95. Dandoun

    Everything that wass said is true, I dont know peope getting affended. maybe close minded or in denial. Also I know so women who are married and lie and cheat behind their husbands back. The men are more then willing to sleep with them knowing they married, but then want to talk shit about them in the same day. The women are to blame also. They all want to act pure. but letting a guy hit anal style. where are their morals? im lebanese american and lived in lebanon. what u stated a 100 true plus more! people who are offended wake up and open ur eyes!!

  96. Edo

    All I can say thank you for this information. True, lebanese women are very well known for their flair, beauty, dress sense, charm, plastic surgeries but to be honest I spend extra cash and I travel where I get it all the fun without any social barriers, restrictions, issues and unnecessary “cyclone of BS” – true party destination Brazil. For all the guys out there, if you want to get laid 100%, have a bagful of fun, party your ass off every night you have to go to very liberal place where girls actually “love” to have sex and they have absolutely no hang ups about it!!!….period. Money and time well spent.

  97. cat

    What I have always wondered about, is why it’s so important for people to be “Lebanese” to be considered important. I have been in love with a man for several years, and am not accepted by his family. I am a great catch, am loyal, am faithful and truly love my habibi albi, but I am not Lebanese. So chances are it will never work, since his family is so awful to me. And I just don’t get it- not then, not now, and I am sure not ever.

  98. Way cool! Some extremely valid points! I appreciate you penning this write-up and the rest of the website is also very good.

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  103. Rannoud

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  109. Joy

    Sad but true! I just don’t agree with point # 2 or maybe I just haven’t seen that. Anyway, it’s reallly hard for Lebanese open-minded ppl to find a life partner in this side of world. Yes, they do exist but are very rare. I haven’t been lucky yet! Hehe

  110. michael-abla

    Despite what you guys say about Lebanon it is still the best place in the world with the nicest girls and guys theres good in bad every where but trust me lebanon has more good then anywhere and my love for lebanon will never go
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  114. Nadia

    great blog I am lebanese and living in Germany for more thn 20 years by now

  115. I’ll tell you one thing I learned about dating in Beirut… People desperately need an education in it! If the guy does manage to ask for a girl’s number, he doesn’t call her the next day. No. He TEXTS. Or worse, he whatsapps her like the good stalker that he is and unknowingly shows a tendency to be cheap… Then if she loses interest, he starts mass sending her lame pics/jokes probably resulting in her blocking him… (Or maybe that’s just me! :P)
    Now if the guy does take the girl out, there’s a big chance he fails on the date too. It’s like nobody knows what to ask or how to keep up a conversation because nowadays everybody’s busy stalking the other’s profile and “last seen” activities on whatsapp & bbm! What’s left to talk about? How cool it was to tag or untag yourself from a picture?!
    Whatever happened to calling a person 2 days later? Or texting (if he must) to set up a date? Whatever happened to privacy and mystery? The thrill to get to know the other person at a NORMAL pace? Why can’t guys (or girls) find a secluded place where they’re less likely to bump into people they know, if what you wrote is in fact true? Does it always have to be the “in” place or Hamra street? I swear Lebanon makes me feel too old to be dating and I’m only 31!

    PS: I think you should write a piece on healthy dating tips. ;) For guys AND girls.

    Cheers

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  118. The world

    Ugly people who want to be european and try to do so with the michel jackson surgery methods and put 100 kilos of makeup and colored eye contacts and high heels because they are short and hairy sorry its the truth. Usually people that have been colonized in history be it the africans or lebanese in this case the colonists who happen to be european, they teach them that europens are superior and thier subjects africans, lebanese asians, are inferior, I think it depends on the people if they want to change what their ancestors have been through and just embrase who they are ,it takes alot of education and awarness and it breaks my heart to see these 3 world countries acting like this ,they just will never learn and develop. What a sad world indeed!!

  119. Anonymous

    Most Lebanese guys that go to clubs and pubs here would not go on the internet other than the purpose of talking to some girl on Facebook. Yes, this post is correct and describes most men and women in Lebanon and the minority here that are contradicting this post are the smart and intelligent Lebanese people who actually care about something other than sex, drugs, women , and alcohol. To many Lebanese men this is something normal and part of their daily lives. It’s hard to find a true man that would love and be loyal and is also hard to find a true woman nowadays. Our country is slowly becoming evil as more and more people become less loyal and couples and people who truly love each other are becoming rare. The influence of our masonic government has now reached the nightlife as more clubs open (like club “13”) (Note : 13 is the devil’s number) mainly seeking to ruin the minds of more Lebanese people and destroy love completely leaving only sex drugs women and alcohol .. Slowly destroying us and our youth (the coming generations isn’t any better) and slowly luring more souls to hell. You might think this post is ridiculous or too religious or some of you might even be atheists, but trust me, it IS happening. and nobody is standing up for it. I’m not against partying, but when you party , avoid bad people and avoid drugs and limit your alcohol intake, if you have found your loved one then go with them to wherever you want and even if you go without them DO NOT be tempted to cheat.
    Be true men and men of God (B.T.W. I’m not muslim or christian or whatever other “religions” or sects exist, I’m just a believer in God).

    Anyways, sorry I got into all that spiritual talk, All I’m saying is Most Lebanese guys are exactly as how you described them and so are girls, but most relationships in the future will get ruined because of nightlife, facebook, cheating, alcohol abuse (drunkness) , drugs, etc … Many relationships in fact are getting ruined today every minute because of a facebook picture or some drugs or alcohol abuse. Slowly people who truly love each other are becoming non existent and the concept of being single is taking over and other concepts such as homosexuality, lesbianism, etc are coming into existence. But then again , this is happening all over the world due to the illumi..’s plan to form a new world order (P.S. look at your one dollar bills, it says on the back near the pyramid “Novus Ordo Seclorum” which means new world order in latin) anyway.. Lebanon is one of the most countries getting affected and deceived by satan due to it’s closeness to the holy ground (Jerusalem) and due to it’s masonic government and politicians.

    I suggest you read “1984” by George Orwell.

    Revelation12:9:

    “So down the great dragon was hurled, the original serpent, the one called Devil and Satan, who is misleading the entire inhabited earth; he was hurled down to the earth, and his angels were hurled down with him.”

    Revelation 12:12

    “Therefore, rejoice, O heavens and you who dwell in them! But woe to you, O earth and sea, for the devil has come down to you in great wrath, because he knows that his time is short!””

    John 5:19:

    “We know we originate with God, but the whole world is lying in the [power of the] wicked one.”

    sorry that i could not pick out verses also from the quran but they are pretty much the same., May you reach enlightenment nonetheless.

    Yes, he is the rules of this world and he will soon form the antichrist with the illu.. and we will all be lead by false prophets, but we must not follow them and believe that God will save us later by sending down again his prophets.

    Wake up, Liberate your mind, Don’t allow yourself to be a puppet, be strong.

    May Love and light be with you and may you find peace always,

    Anonymous.

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  134. The sad one

    I agree with this article on most of the points mentioned , to make things short and this is 100% real experience incident I faced 3 years ago.

    I was married to one girl who is half Lebanese half Ghanaian, a half cast her father a white lebanese who owns a business in Ghana , she is an x ballamand current AUB English graduate student, lived most of her life in Lebanon , unfortunately my a marriage lasted 3 month and 3 years in the Sunni divorce court .

    Before marriage she acted the innocent virgin, her father the Haj who prayed 5 times etc….. Since I work in the gulf I did not have the chance to know her very well and ask about them deeply, I just wanted to get married and built a family because I was tired of the bachelor life.

    We got engaged for 7 month and during that phase she told me that she had a breast implant and she did it only because she wanted to look good ect.. At the beginning I got suspicious but I said to myself 80 % of all Lebanese girls have some kind of plastic surgery

    after 2 month from marriage I went back to my work inthe gulf and I found out that she used my lap top and my laptop had stored all her emails password face book accounts , AUB email, badoo etc.. While browsing thru her emails I found on her MSN more than 200 male contacts many sex emails send to her ex’s, nude pictures of her send to her x, and an appointment with one of the best plastic surgeons in Beirut near AUH who is known for hymen reconstruction etc.. i felt destroyed sad angry cheated on, so I decided to investigate further and i found out thru emails and phone calls that she even had sex with one blonde lesbian in AUB dorms, I also found a message she send on face book to one of her friends telling her fiend that she had acted very well during the wedding night but she still lust on her many x’s … and one email she send to her sister telling her that I am not her style and her family forced her to marry to cover up some thing.

    after 3 years of court i won the divorce case due to accumulated evidence, now i heard that she is going out with couple of guys in Beirut because in Tripoli everybody knows her , FUCK this Lebanese society i am happy that i got my my divorce and thank God I did not have children.

    recently I got a phone call from her younger sister x and he told me that he wants to meet me and he showed me the small sex video him and her younger sister they did , and he told me about her sister abortion she had with one guy . for 30 days I was depressed I cried my ass off I don’t know whether I am crying from anger or from happiness , every time I pray God I ask him to take my revenge on her and her family because they have used me but I know Karma is a bitch . Gentelmen plz be careful of those lebanese half cast girls they are not marriage quality but I am sure there are many good lebanese girls….

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  137. Caro

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  141. Mustafa

    This topic discusses some good points but it somehow lays all the responsibility on Lebanese guys mentality regarding a relationship or marriage. Forgetting that most of this comes from Lebanese girls or women unfriendly action when a lebanese man approach her. She starts showing off and all that stupid stuff, the more nonsense is the same women who tries to show off as if something important, you later on find her going out with some arab gulf country man just because of his money. Yes, before criticizing lebanese guys, criticize the horrible low moral degrees many lebanese women had reach. Many prefer to go out and get banged too by some foreign arab man who don’t worth a cent in terms of intelligence and education of a lebanese guy. Can’t criticize lebanese men why they test many girls to see who’s really innocent and virgin not banged by some 100 plus gulf men. And, it’s totally false that lebanese guys don’t like an intelligent high ranking position woman, but most of these are listed within the category of showing off on lebanese guys and get banged by gulf millionaires.

  142. Mustafa

    Add on: Lebanese girls and women in their attitude toward leabnese men approaching her are totally opposite than foreign women especially European women who are mainly very friendly even if she’s very beautiful and worth more than 1000% of some lebanese women who show off. Most European and others from Yugoslavia federation country women don’t have that defensive wall when a man approaches her respectively, friendly, and humorously while many lebanese women turn the ugly, show off face, sadly.

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  144. nick s

    regarding point 3, i think the real issue is that men don’t approach women when the women are in a group with other men. the problem is that even if these women are single, many lebanese guys feel ‘protective/possessive’ of any women within their group. Several times i’ve approached women within a mixed group and would be having a casual conversation when one of the male friends would approach/pull her away/ or otherwise break off the conversation. i even remember one guy who wouldn’t let the girl speak and felt he needed to answer for her (she clearly wasn’t his gf).

    however, i’ve found groups of girls very approachable. i’ve rarely been rebuffed. at the very least, you’d have a fun conversation with them even if it doesn’t lead anywhere.

    regarding the stereotype of women pretending to be virgins, i’ve also rarely encountered that. most women i’ve met in hamra/gemmayze and similar places have been pretty open about their sexuality. the majority weren’t virgins and seemed pretty comfortable with it.

    regarding facebook/email dating, any time i ask a woman for her number and she asks me to add her on FB instead, i politely refuse and walk away. that was something i did when i was in college. we’re too old for that now and you know i’m not talking to you in a pub/club cause i want more friends. you’re either interested or you’re not. that said, it’s the the minority of girls who do that, the majority either give you their number or refuse to take it further.

    while i understand that liberal/college educated/lived abroad males are not representative of all lebanese males, i would assume that the author, as an college educated american, would attract lebanese friends who are more open/liberal and therefore would have experiences similar to mine. i’m not basing these stories on just my experiences but on my friends’ (a lot of whom have lived their entire lives here) as well.

    so i wonder how the author can assume these stereotypes (that we’ve all occasionally heard) apply to the majority?

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  150. Your observations, though not all inclusive, are quite accurate in a stereotypical fashion. Stereotypes metamorphosize for a reason and retain much truth despite their exaggerated nature. Lebanon is an acutely conflicted society. Sectarianism is rife and so is prejudice amongst the Lebanese DNA, and that readily reflects upon the dating scene in the country. First of all, appearances are everything, which include social status, family name, education level, and most importantly of all, financial status. A fact evident in the egregiously exaggerated fashion trends amongst both men & women. It’s is in the opposing qualities of Middle Eastern traditions and modernism where the beef of the matter lies. Like you said, men want their women to be liberal, free, open-minded and tried (especially sexually) until it comes to walking-up the isle. Women are torn between newfound liberalism, independence, autonomy, equality and sexual freedom, and reflecting traditional Middle Eastern values at the same time. Clashing values to say the least. And yes, what you said is so very true about women finding solace in dating foreign men. I’ve witnessed it first-hand during a short stint in the night-life industry. They’re safe because the probability that your neighbors and relatives might know the person of interest is slim, and because they feel they won’t be judge upon their sexual promiscuity by someone hailing from a more open, non-judgemental society. Sad but true! In short, men & women in Lebanon end-up dancing in circles in a pretentious, contrived, sheltered dance that leads them nowhere but into disillusioned and dysfunctional relationships. Have you observed the progressively increasing divorce and depression rate amongst the Lebanese Generation X lately?!

  151. luke

    Quite simply said…….no one really cares!!! On a scale of 1 to 10 of boredom for sex i give it a 10!!!!

  152. Jimmy K.

    My own experience as a well-travelled foreigner (Euro-American) is that Lebanese/Syrian women are startlingly materialistic. If you’re not carrying multiple platinum cards, there’s no chance.

    However, I’ve found this to be very true in a lot of developed Asian countries as well (Taiwan, Japan, China, Korea). Once American style consumerism is earnestly taken up in other parts of the world, it seems to turn into a seething monster very quickly. The people who “keep it real” and avoid this kind of mad conspicuous consumption tend to be traditionalist and conservative (either in a religious sense, or just in a cultural one), and therefore have no interest whatsoever in dating a foreigner.

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  154. Miss N

    Thank you for writing this, I’ve been dating a Lebanese guy now for 4 months, I am not Lebanese but from NZ and live in Australia.
    This artical does worry me, I think he is attracted to my hot accent because he loves to hear my voice everyday, insecure is definitely there, my looks, yes I’m very attractive, I’m also a little older than him but he still wanted to date me, I own my own business which he likes, I’m very educated.
    He says Lebanese women are immature always asking for money and too promiscuous which puts him off. If I were to go by this I would only use it as a guide.
    Yes I do think Lebanese men are far to judgemental, but yes he didn’t know me but he approached me and told me he prayed that I would talk to him, lucky him I did, I am more attracted to this guys kind heart than his looks but he still goes and works out. I prefer a cuddly man than a rock. Lol

  155. Typical lebanese responses, i guess it is the time where i’ll be the voice of reason and logic in this fucking country , everyone is blaming the guys and the fact that some guys agree with it are just kissing arrogant lebanese girls asses so they’ll be able to date them. So here we go lebanese women and girl get ready for a big life changing post , plz pay attention .. the reason is why guys in lebanon are so insecure it’s because that you’re shallow , gold digging , overrated and overindulged girl with not only high standards but unreal standards , you want fucking movie stars for god sakes.

    You judge the guy on each word he says without trying to understand why his saying it in the first place ..see ?? that’s why guys lie to you the whole time , they are afraid of being themselves and say something wrong so you don’t reject them , you encourage them to lie to you by your shallow arrogant useless behavior.
    Lebanese girls you are too materialistic for your own good and i think your not special not one bit, sadly european girls are hotter than you in many ways less fake,less arrogant, more rational and yes ! better educated so i think it’s time for you to become more humble and down to earth and stop being so judgemental , you’ll only pay the price at the end of the day believe me .

    And oh ! one more thing if you can stop dating those rich assholes who doesn’t give one flying fuck about you then that would be great !
    Girls in lebanon sadly likes to date two type of guys :
    1-type number one : is that fake dady boy rich punk overpaid asshole who will never give one dam of a fuck about you, you know ? the type who you like his car more than his personality ??? the bmws and hummers assholes , the fake muscle assholes ! you love these don’t you ;) , very huge but yet very dull and stupid , well you’ll be disappointed cause at the end he’ll leave you and go for someone else then you’ll start to say your trade mark words ” ALL LEBANESE GUYS ARE IDIOTS AND NOT WORTH IT ” well maybe just the type you’re going out with :) , and you’re pathetic money based relationship will end , and you’ll be all set to move on to your next abomination.
    2- type number two :god help us ! , this is the type that i really hate :P , this time his an very religious conservative who is also related to the “assholes” extended family , of course you know the type “az3ar ? , bye3la2 mashkal kil 5 min b7ayeto el fadye ?? , hmmm be2adiya 3al moto taba3o ??” eventually this guy will ruin your life controlling it and it’s every detail , with his jealous insecure and outdated religious beliefs against women rights and that shit , he’ll start transforming into you dad , then he’ll ban you from going out each night ..a guy like that you better get him to custody as quickly as posssible , he is the scum of today’s generation . but dear lebanese you like that don’t you ?? you like a guy controlling you … i know it .. it makes him a man doesn’t it ?? and here you go again with this deluded thinking about what manhood that is totally out of place , these types are the insecure type with huge obvious manhood issues. ( in other words you’ll spend your life cooking if you marry him :P ) .

    Stop doing these mistakes over and over again it’s ridiculous !
    Want a nice guy huh ??? then stop being so shallow for starters and give those good honest well educated poor/middle class nice guys ,that you like to screw and ignore so much , a fucking chance and stop treating them like liquid shit … i am sorry if i offended anyone in this post but the sooner you’ll realize it the better off you’ll be.

    • sorry about the mistakes , what manhood represents**** , your dad**** , each night with your guy friends***

    • Nico

      sadly, you are 100 per cent right. I love Lebannese people and women are truly hot except for their shallow personalities and empty heart. but after trial and error and swallowing my pride, and becoming liquid shit I figure it out. If you want to be with a Leb girl you have to become the asshole king, unfortunately you will have to go thru all that shit and be more arrogant and more delirious that she could ever be, then she will love you.

      • Patrice

        Some Lebanese girls won’t even notice you if you don’t have 200k $ car and open a champagne bottle every night in the most possible expensive places,they fancy mafia guys or heritage dudes (daddy has a bank style) but guess what? These guys are rarely good people and surely not for marriage, even if your parents push you to them for “money warranty for life”. God want us to love with feelings not praise $ and materialism, nobody took his millions with him to the other world ;)

  156. Tannu Topper

    Any sweet beirut girl want to friendship with a Indian boy.?

  157. Jo

    What next? A bill of health?
    lebanese people (men & women) live by medival principles. No wonder this country is so messed up!

  158. micky

    I want to say thank you to great izzakpa doo for everything so far.
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    what great izzakpa doo said it will happen. He’s always there when
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  159. Hey! I know this is kinda off topic but I was wondering if you knew where I could find a captcha plugin for my comment form? I’m using the same blog platform as yours and I’m having trouble finding one? Thanks a lot!

  160. Article writing is also a excitement, if you be familiar with then you can write otherwise it is complex to write.

  161. Edmond Boutros

    Dear,I read carefully you point of view & I respect your opinion. But me as a lebabese man I see that your opinion can match any failure relation you had with any man depend on his nationality. Men are men everywhere and men attitude is the same. That’s why I think your failed relations(as you mentioned by yourself,and it sounds are many)based the failure on your bad choice. Make good choice with any man from any nationality you’ll find him ideal. Make a bad choice with a man of one of the midst famous nationality and you’ll find him bad. Thank you. (Edmond Boutros)

  162. Joergi Bemyguest

    That’s pretty fuckin good. I think that sums it up.

  163. Patrice

    I mostly agree with this article, though I disagree with the virginity thingy,most lebanese guys who lived in France even just 1 year or always have been heavily “francophone” will not give the lost virginity argument a weight if they really love the girl and want to marry her.Though village dudes still live in this ancient “shame” thingy.
    As for Lebanese girls who do it with foreigners when they travel to Cyprus,Greece..they are mainly teenagers who are afraid of word of mouth in Lebanon as some teen guys love to say “I did it with x” to impress their friends

  164. Partsy

    I and and my boyfriend dated for two years and we where planning to get married soon then all of a sudden his love for me started changing and he started avoiding me recently he just made it clear to me that he is no longer interested in the engagement,i thought he was joking but to my notice it was getting serious as he now charts and move out with his new found girlfriend i tried to lure and beg him if their is anything i have done wrong he should forgive me but he never listened all he says is that i should get it into my thick score that the relationship is over (meaning my relationship with him is over)I further tried all means to get him back but nothing worked as at last i was able to get a spell caster contact named Priest Ajigar i heard his spell works in terms of restoring broken marriage and relationship. I contacted him and he assured me with in the next three days he will come back for me,after three days it really did happen he came back and he have left the other girl now,i never could have got love back if not Priest Ajigar who did it for me and my advice to all you out there searching for a genuine and powerful spell caster just know that Priest Ajifar spell works and its the best email him on (priestajigarspells@live.com)

  165. jadddd

    Most of the things said are true, but the most important said is that lebanese girls are gold diggers all they see in a guy is how much money he has. they keep on saying “Yala Amin 7alak w jib beit” as if they have nothing to do and share in this relationship. Maaan the first thing they will tell you when they meet someone new is how much money he earns. This is getting sick, and then you girls blame men when they leave you for someone else. I personaly met many so called “gold diggers”, I broke up few months later and never explained to them why i left. On the other hand men are also so narrow minded and stupid, they want to sleep with every girl they see, but when i comes to marriage they want a virgin beleiving that if she is not, this is a sign that she loves sex meaning she might cheat on them later on.

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